People who visit their hometown to spend time with their parents during the holidays in Korea are likely to experience one thing in common: your mother’s persistent attempt to feed you. Here is what usually happens. As soon as you arrive home, your mother approaches you with a dish or fruit and a direct order to eat it. You decline, saying, “Thanks, Mom. But I’m good.” But your mother never gives up. She tenaciously insists, “You should eat this. It’s delicious.” You decline it again, saying, “I’m not hungry.” A few minutes later, your mother pushes you again, “Come on! Why don’t you try it? I told you it’s delicious.” Your mother never takes no for an answer, believing that her offer is an expression of her “jeong” or affection for you. To you, it is torture.

The younger generation hates it when their mother forces them to eat something against their will. Nevertheless, this peculiar trait seems to run in the blood, and many Koreans do not seem to take no for an answer. For instance, when a girlfriend wants to break up, her boyfriend is not likely to take no for an answer and will not let go of her. There is no age limit for this sort of behavior. Recently, a 60-year-old man assaulted his 57-year-old lover when she said she wanted to break up with him. In Western eyes, Korean men may look hot-tempered and clingy.

Indeed, even after you say “No,” Koreans seldom back off or step aside, but keep urging you to reconsider or withdraw your decision. You can find the same phenomenon in every nook and cranny of Korean society. When caught in litigation, for example, few Koreans accept the verdict from the District or High Court. They all appeal to the Supreme Court. In Korea the Supreme Court is the busiest place while both the District and High Court are just a gateway to the Supreme Court. 

In Western culture, however, when someone says “No,” that is the end of it. When your girlfriend says “No,” you let her go. You should respect the other person’s feelings and wishes. In Korea, however, people keep protesting or demonstrating even after they are told “No” until they get what they want. Some time ago, a Korean man brutally cut his girlfriend’s finger with a knife when she said she wanted to break up with him. Korean children, too, tend to be insistent even after their parents say “No.” When you are at a bar with your Korean drinking companions, you will find that they will not to take no for an answer either. 

At the same time, however, the Korean people’s tendency of not taking no for an answer has also been a source of the incredible energy that has created today’s affluent society. Right after the Korean War, when South Korea was one of the poorest countries on earth, few foreigners had any hopes for the poverty- stricken and divided country. Koreans had to live on foreign aid, mostly coming from the United States, such as wheat flour, corn flour, dried milk, clothes, and shoes. Today, however, South Korea has become an affluent country, ranking thirteenth in economy, with a GDP of approximately 1.4 trillion dollars, and eighth in global trade.  

In 1952 while the Korean Peninsula was being devastated by the Korean War, a British correspondent wrote, “Expecting democracy to bloom in Korea is like expecting a rose to bloom in a trash can.” Indeed, Koreans suffered under the iron boots of the military dictatorship for almost 30 years. Today, however, South Korea has achieved full democratization, succeeding in making a rose bloom in a trash can. Some foreigners even point out that South Korea has become too democratized so that the Korean society sometimes looks unrestrained and unbridled.

Sixty-three years ago when the Korean War was over, we had no technological skills whatsoever. We did not have natural resources or raw materials either. We had to learn technology from Japan from scratch. Today, however, Korea produces the world’s finest and best-selling electronics that use cutting-edge technology and outsell Japanese products in the international market. Products by Samsung, LG and Hyundai have become international favorites.

All of this was made possible by the Korean people’s attitude of not taking no for an answer and their can do spirit. When there seemed to be no hope for Korea, foreigners said, “No, you cannot do it. There’s no hope.” But Koreans did their best to prove them wrong. Koreans have defied foreigners’ diagnosis such as “Korea cannot overcome poverty,” “Korea cannot be democratized,” or “Korea cannot be a country of advanced technology.”

We should learn to take no for an answer, respect other people’s opinions and preferences. At the same time, however, we should maintain the defiant spirit of not giving up and challenging negative attitudes. We should maintain our dauntless spirit in times of crisis.         

By Kim Seong-kon

Kim Seong-kon is a professor emeritus of English at Seoul National University and president of the Literature Translation Institute of Korea. -- Ed.