A few weeks ago, my father-in-law passed away at the age of 85. Before the start of the Korean War, he had escaped from North Korea to the South during his early twenties. Ever since, he had not been able to see his remaining family in the North. For the past 63 years, he yearned to visit his hometown of Haeju in Hwanghae Province, but his dream never came true. He was a man who tragically lost his home due to the division of the country after the Korean War. I felt so sorry for him. As a pallbearer, I whispered to his coffin before letting him go, “You are free at last to visit your home in North Korea.” 

Not only my father-in-law, but my mother-in-law as well suffered first due to Japanese rule, and then due to the division of the country. My mother-in-law was born during the Japanese occupation and raised in Japan until she graduated from high school. After Korea’s liberation, she came to Korea and married another uprooted person, my father-in-law. My mother-in-law often missed Japan, where she had spent her childhood and adolescence; she has few relatives or friends in Korea. At the funeral of her husband, my mother-in-law looked so lonely letting go of her life-long companion.

At the memorial service, therefore, I felt sorry for both of them. But what made me even sorrier was how women were treated at the funeral. All the women in the family had to busily work all day, bringing out food, cleaning up and waiting on guests while men simply greeted mourners or rested. I was especially aghast when I found that my mother-in-law had to hide all day long in a small room without a window, which was attached to the incense-burning room.

When a husband dies, his wife should be the chief mourner, greeting funeral guests and receiving consolation from them. At a Korean funeral, however, the eldest son assumes such duties. Meanwhile, the wife in mourning is not allowed to show herself to the visitors. The practice stems from Confucian tradition, but it is inhumane and should be abolished. At a funeral, those in mourning should mingle, talk and eat with family and friends to ease their sorrows. Shedding tears together, too, may be a good way to release one’s sadness. But my mother-in-law had to spend the whole day confined to a tiny room without receiving any condolences from the visitors.

Korean society has certainly made great progress in women’s rights in the past few decades. For example, to the best of my knowledge, female professors are accorded the same respect as their male counterparts. At government institutions, too, women are not discriminated against. At my institution, the Literature Translation Institute, most of our staff is made up of extremely competent young women. And they, of course, receive the same salary as their male counterparts. Most of all, South Korea has the powerful Ministry of Gender Equality and Family.

Nevertheless, in the private sector, women are still reportedly treated unfairly and unequally. Recently, a local judge was scorned for stating at a law school talk that law firms are not willing to hire female lawyers unless they have powerful parents, are willing to work twice as had as male colleagues or are astonishingly pretty. We hope the judge’s statement is not true, since such a fact would surely be lamentable in every sense.

As a father of both a son and a daughter, I have always believed we should never discriminate against people based on gender. I am sure all fathers with daughters strongly oppose social discrimination against women. At the same time, we should not discriminate against men, either. For example, women should not object to additional points given to army veterans (who are overwhelmingly males), when they apply for government jobs. We should acknowledge our veterans’ invaluable contributions to the country.

In the international community, Korea is known to be a male-dominant, Confucian society. When I am overseas, my foreign friends frequently tell me that “Korea is known to be a male-chauvinist country” and ask, “How is it possible that you elected a female President?” Then I answer them, “Korea is no longer a male-dominant country. In fact, many Korean women are stronger than Korean men in many respects. So it’s not surprising we now have a female president.”

Recently in Korea, some people have mocked Park with derogatory remarks. They should be more careful about the language they adopt because such insulting expressions unwittingly confirm foreign suspicions that Korea remains a sexist, male-dominated country. Besides, one should show respect to a nation’s president, regardless of gender. If you are only deferential to male leaders, you are nothing but a coward.

We still have many improvements to make before we become a truly equal society. Among others, we should let the wives of the deceased come out of the back room and serve as chief mourners at funerals. Otherwise, we will never fully eradicate inequality and sexism in our society.

By Kim Seong-kon 

Kim Seong-kon is a professor of English at Seoul National University and president of the Literature Translation Institute of Korea. ― Ed.